Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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