Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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