no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
