Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just cut my nipple shaving
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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