My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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