where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
