What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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