Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
