We're facebook friends in real life
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
