so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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