i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
