this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
