i think my tv is drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
birth control should be required to get into college
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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