After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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