loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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