remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
