Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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