You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
