there was a trapeze. enough said
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
