I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are we still banned from the library?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
