I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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