my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
