May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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