The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
