haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
