Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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