So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
