i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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