Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
