Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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