So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Four minutes until I can fart!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
