I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
