he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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