I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
