we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
