I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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