I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't notice because vodka
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
