how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
