I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
