I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
