I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
