i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
