I am spending my child support on dildos
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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