I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
