Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
