Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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