if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
