You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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