having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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