I can tuck mytits in my pants
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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