and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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