I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
